You call a traffic light a “robot”. You call an elevator a “lift” You call …a car hood a “bonnet” You call a car trunk a “boot” You call a pickup truck a “…bakkie” You call a Barbeque a “Braai” Employee s dance and sing in front of the building to show how unhappy they are. You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather. You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any. You can sing your national anthem in four languages and you have no idea what it means in any of them. You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela. You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously. You produce a R100 note instead of your driver’s licence when stopped by a traffic officer. You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement!!!!! You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car. You know a taxi can move twice its certified number of people in one trip. You travel 100’s of kilometers to see snow. You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee! More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election. People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Given, Patience, Portion and Coronation. “Now now” or “just now” can mean anything from a minute to a month. You start every sentence with yes/no or ja/nee. You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction. Travelling at 120 km/h, you’re the slowest vehicle on the freeway. A bullet train is being introduced, but potholes can’t be fixed. The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday. You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one. Prisoners, Doctors and Nurses go on strike. You don’t stop at red traffic lights, just in case somebody hijacks your car.