Build a loving relationship!

There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning. The lamp was there and it was a good lamp, but now it is shedding light too, and that is its real function. – Vincent van Gogh –

• Like any organic system, a human relationship is subject to entropy – meaning that it is always in a state of decay. With a little effort you can counteract the tendency for your love relationship to fall apart. Yes, You Can!

• Create psychological intimacy. Share your innermost experiences and deepest feelings with the person you love. Talk daily about your impressions of the people and events you encounter; reveal your most important life goals; share your reactions to the triumphs and failures you experience.

• Maintain physical intimacy: hug and kiss in private; hold hands in public.

• Spend time each day discussing your “other lives” – your work, your families, your hobbies, and any other areas of life you may not always experience together.

• Make each other laugh – especially in a mature relationship where you may have forgotten the importance of being funny.

• Express love in ways that are important to your partner. Some need to see proof of love (for example, gifts or things you do); some need to hear proof of love (for example, saying “I love you” or giving compliments); some need to feel proof of love (for example, through hugs and kisses). Tell your partner which of these expressions you need.

• Each of you make a list of things the other can do to reinforce the feeling of being cared for. Do at least one thing on your lover’s list every day.

• View the flaws you see in your lover as coal that hasn’t yet turned into diamond. Don’t plan or hope to change a thing. If you can’t accept that “what you see is what you get,” leave the relationship before it’s too late.

Remember, you can!

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