Alison – “Doesn’t the talking about it bring it all back?”

10341743_756910854380833_3940142627736961566_n“Doesn’t the talking about it bring it all back?”
“Was it hard to watch the play and re-live that night?”
“Surely you are over it now?”

In answer – ‘No.’ ‘Yes, a bit.’ And ‘I never will be.’

It is 20 years today! 20 years since I was very nearly killed. I have come to accept that speaking about that night is what keeps it under control. If I were to ignore this massive event and pretend it never happened – that it didn’t matter – I think it would demand attention of me in my dreams. In my quiet moments. In my head. It’s under control BECAUSE I give it its due – and there are so many learnings in the story that these are what I concentrate on and believe are a real inspiration to others.

‘Coming full circle’ took on a real meaning for me when I experienced the creation and audience reaction to the play (based on my book ‘I Have Life’) when it took to the stage in August, almost 20 years after ‘that’ night in 1994. And now, the exciting build up (after several years of planning and negotiating) to the filming of the documentary on my life which will start early in the new year. Of course it is sometimes hard to be forced to remember how I felt that night – but I have also regained an awe of my young self. What I survived, endured and moved on from was a monumental life-experience – and it’s been kind of great to remind myself of how awesome that is.

I am not always happy nor always depressed. I am not always strong nor always weak. I am not always motivated nor always uninspired. I am not always brave nor always fearful. I am human and fallible and have my up and down moments and I am okay with that. What I am most okay with is that the life-changing moment 20 years ago will never be ‘over’ for me. It is not something I live beyond or without – it is part of me and always will be. What I love most about what it’s given me, is a knowledge of my conqueror’s spirit. It recognises where I’ve been and what I’m capable of – so giving up and giving in is never an option for me. I will never again be someone who ‘can’t’, because my spirit knows that I can.

20 years…..a lifetime of living that I might not have had. I am deeply, deeply grateful for every moment.

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